ericboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hand Made Beanies Am I being redundant? I never quite seem to recall what I've said when I stare at this blank canvas, begging for my words. Be careful what you wish for... My words disgust me. I've run out of ways to say "I'm lonely and stupid and no one will ever love me or even stop long enough to spit on me." I've eaten my words so many times that I'm nauseated by the taste. "They'll Be Days Like This, Momma Said" is playing at the coffeeshop right now and someone across the room is playing the out-of-tune piano that has a sign on it stating "Don't play this out-of-tune piano". The piece that the person is playing sounds like something from the Donnie Darko soundtrack; minimalist and sonically pleasing. All in all, things aren't too bad today. Work at Hollywood video was pleasantly slow and I was able to catch up on many neglected projects. I'm totally dreading Friday. I'll get off work at five and wander the streets like a real boy, mimicking the life that I've seen lived but not really knowing how one goes about it. Luckily, Hollywood video has inventory at ten that night, so I only have to slay five hours and then I'll have contractual obligations to make my decisions for me. The other two days next week, though, I'll actually have to deal with on my own. Oh, bother. In the blink of a neon mistake, I smiled as I noticed that you were more jaded than me. Just when I thought that I was the crappiest sack of shit in the world, you kicked me in the face and quelled those feelings. Outside, people are laughing, and I wish that I could laugh with them, but I can hardly look at them. What ever made me this way, and can I stop it? 3:59 a.m. - 2003-11-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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