ericboy's Diaryland
Diary
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Eye for an eye / I'm pushing through this - Mudvayne
Work was pleasantly busy last night. By pleasantly, I mean that I was pleased that it was busy, but the calibre of guest left something to be desired. The Dodgers of Lost Angeles were in town to do battle with the Father of Saint Go Go Diego Go and their fanatics were none too behaved. The pit of the restaurant lived up to its name by being a thronging mass of douchebaggery. By the end of the night, my feet couldn't touch concrete what with all the wadded up napkins strewn about the floor. "Guests" kept asking me for napkins, paper, or just plain "ammunition". I refused them all, saying that I didn't support such juvenile bullshit. One lady got so upset that I didn't bring her napkins that she asked to see my manager. I think she lost sight that she was in a restaurant and my chief obligation was to accommodate her requests for Food, but whatever. I made money for the first time this week which is good because my recent trip to Texas essentially bankrupted me.
I feel like I've been swimming in a high viscosity liquid of anonymous nature, feeling around for orientation, just trying to figure out where I'm going. I'm listless and misguided, always under the impression that there's something I'm supposed to be doing but utterly unaware of what that might be. I'm curt with people that I meet. A friend came by my house yesterday and after "hello" and "how are you" I'd run out of things to say. We sort of stood around awkwardly, waiting for my social butterfly girlfriend to come out of the bedroom and rescue us from the tension. She's truly the only reason that I have friends nowadays. If it weren't for her, no one I've met in the past year and a half would know my name. I just don't know how to connect anymore, and though it seems at times that I want to, I seldom try. I just can't bring myself to make an effort. I'm completely bereft of all social ambition. I still have goals and feelings and needs, but lately I get the feeling that I don't need people to attain or satiate any of those. I think of the friends miles and miles away or even down the street and have to concentrate to remember the last time that I tried for them. In anything, when have I last made an effort towards the people that I supposedly "love"? I don't even know why they stick around. I seem to have nothing left for anyone outside my own skin. I'm surprised my girlfriend even hangs in there sometimes. I'm just so self-absorbed as of late. And I don't think it's for any reason. I'm not experiencing any burst of inner growth or anything significant such as that; I'm just closed-off. Withdrawn. Hidden from all.
I don't know what I need.
Rob Zombie's Halloween remake is very good. High body count, somewhere around twenty. Great character developments, true to the original with its own clever reimaginings. Go check it out.
11:22 a.m. - 2007-09-02
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