ericboy's Diaryland
Diary
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\"I think this time I'll take the long way home\" - Dashboard Confessional
I read some old entries today; some old, old entries. Back when I would gaze with fresh, bright eyes on a new, beautiful world. Every conversation, be it three lines or three hundred, was recorded and preserved for posterity. But what of all that fascination now? I can hardly be bothered to come to this site anymore. When I typed the address in the browser bar, my computer didn't recognize it, didn't smile with a nostalgic sense of familiarity. How old am I, really? Because you're only as old as you feel and I feel very, very tired. In so many ways.
So now it's whiskey, pepsi, and a dull ache behind my left eye to keep me company as I ruminate on all the sleep that I should be getting. Ants have been spotted in my room and so I know that sleep will be fitful; inundated with the heebie-jeebies; constantly wondering if those six-legged fuckers are crawling all over me at any given moment. E-Squared had its first rehearsal for shows going up next weekend. It was a disaster. It's going to take a lot of elbow grease, dedication, professionalism, and a fucking miracle to bring this latest production off the ground. October holds the premiere of one of my most ambitious scripts to date, with an unwarranted but adamant insistence that the lead role be played by an estranged friend whose never acted before. A friend last night tried to talk me out of this casting choice, saying that the variables were too many. But I just can't; I've got a vision and a strong hunch that this is right. And if it turns out the prospect is either a flake or a hack and I have to play the role, well maybe that's what the feeling was meant to convey. Sort of like the idea that Anakin Skywalker would bring balance to the Force, but only after first destroying virtually all the Jedi and allowing the Alliance to become an Empire under the tyranny of Emperor Palpatine, a Sith Lord. An odd comparison, yes, but not so far-fetched. If the prospect fails, I will hold true to him until the last possible moment, until I'll be forced to step into the role, which is incongruent with my vision. But perhaps that vehicle of neccessity will illicit the finest performance of my career out of me and give the show a depth that my words on a page could have never achieved otherwise. Or something else entirely could happen. Regardless, I'm apprehensive and full of excitement about the October production.
Oh yeah, and September should be okay, too.
11:58 p.m. - 2006-08-29
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