ericboy's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\"I know a girl / who sells herself around\" - Glassjaw

I'm so angry I can hardly type!
So, you think you like me? You tell me how comfortable you are around me. How much fun I am. How funny I can be without trying. My friends (which truly are) confirm all of these beliefs, echoing what you've said you've come to believe about me. You tell me over and over again how much you want to spend time with me.
So I'm on my way home from a long night, sleep is looking pretty fucking good, when I get a call from you. You say you're out having fun and you want me to be there. So I go there. You're having fun, like you said, mingling and making the scene. I don't mind; it's what you do. At the end of the night, my real friends are taking off and offer me a ride. You insist that you want to be the one to take me home. Maybe we should stop and get some food; you're awfully hungry. What sounds good to me? I'm not even hungry, but if you'll be there, then I'm down. "Whatever" sounds good to me. Good deal. My friends take off. I saunter up to you, seeing if it's time for us to make our timely exit. But, oh, wait, you just told the bartender that you'd hang with him tonight. He's been your friend since back in the day. How can I argue with that? I say, "Hey, it's no big deal; I'll fucking walk home now that all of my real friends are gone." You say, "A walk could be good for you."
So I storm my over-dramatic ass out of that shit, because, fuck you, I was there to see fucking you. I could be gone, but I stuck around for you. I hear you trying to call to me as I kick the bar on the back door open and escape into the cool night, but fuck you! You've got big plans; why should I get in the way?
I liked you, a lot. I believed you, wholly. Fuck you! Why do I ever fall into these insipid and outwardly obvious traps? Why am I so eager for something real that I'll believe in just about anything? You've ruined me. And you've ruined anything that I could have been for you.

Are you happy, now? Because I sure as fuck am not! Can you tell? I wanted this to be real. I wanted to believe in you. But I just plain fucking can't. Here's some words for the occasion:

Fucking Cunt Bitch Whore Slut (You should see me when I'm really angry) Fuck yourself and the piece of shit that you rode in on and will most likely ride tonight! You can burn in Hell for making me glimpse your Heaven and then tearing the veil away.

But, then again, I saw this coming.... So, it's all my fault...

4:04 a.m. - 2005-07-25

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next