ericboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- \"I'll never have wanted to not have what we went through\"-onelinedrawing Euphemisms for a four letter word: a many splendored thing, the root of all evil, the path to happiness, a disease, a cannonball, a shotgun blast, a means to an end, just something we say, a fallacy, an illusion, an entertainment, a distraction, a diversion, a breath of fresh air, the answer, the question, the end, the beginning, a two-headed beast, a rose in bloom, a creeping darkness, a debilitating weakness, a monster, a euphoric dance, a clear day, the one thing I can't fucking understand. This is where I lose it. I'm running, I'm running; I've got a good stride going, I'm looking good, and then, BLAM!!!!... I'm on my fucking face with my teeth in the back of my throat. Please don't let me end this way. Please don't elevate me to a pedestal, because it will only hurt more when I fall. "When"; not "if". As it is, I'm scared of heights, scared of myself, scared of you. Don't think I'm perfect, because I'm not. Don't think I'm your savior; I will only fail you like all the gods before me. Don't place that on me. Don't let me get to you; break your barriers, make you think that I'm worth a shit, because I'm not. Don't let me get to myself; convince me that I can do it, I can make it, I can be all that and more, maybe already am. I'm not. I won't be. I'm just me. Not a god. Hardly a man. Just a boy with lovely fascinations and a hardcore self-loathing problem... that is MINE! I've been developing it for sometime, and it suits me just fine. Let me have it. Don't let me end this way. Don't lift me up. What comes up... 3:05 a.m. - 2003-12-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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