ericboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm that fucking guy I'm that fucking guy who picks up a copy of "Fahrenheit" every Wednesday AS SOON as it hits newsstands, frantically flips to the back, and pores over the "I Saw U" section in hopes that someone has written about me. I'm that fucking guy who feels ashamed to walk in the sight of people who are in wheelchairs, think in front of retarded people, eat in the presence of the homeless. I'm that fucking guy with three bags of trash in my room that I'm afraid to throw out for fear that someone will paw through it and chastise me for not sorting out my recyclables. I'm that fucking guy who doesn't like walking through the intersection when you, in the car, wave me through; as if it's not my right; as if I'm below you. I'm that fucking guy who's embarassed to be straight, when everyone knows damn good and well that I should be gay; that my life would be so much easier if I were. I'm that fucking guy who can't allow myself to touch you because I think that I'll infect you with my certain breed of emptiness. I'm that fucking guy who hates myself for even thinking about you. I'm that fucking guy who smiles when everyone else is unhappy, trying to alleviate the tension; to blow the candles out. I'm that fucking guy who lost your number. I'm that fucking guy who feels guilty about sitting too close to old people on the bus, becuase I know that they're intimidated by me (I can tell by the way they jump everytime I move my hands, even if it's just to scratch my face)and I don't want to put them through that. I'm that fucking guy who day-dreams of caressing the skin on your face when I should be doing something constructive. I'm that fucking guy that chastises everyone when I have a microphone in my hand; I tell you all that your opinions, beliefs, passions, and ideas, that you've worked so hard and long to shape and accept, are wrong and stupid. I laugh at you when you fall down. I'm that fucking guy who ridicules you when you leave my establishment. You could be the coolest, smartest, wittiest person in the world, but I'll take the stutter of a single syllable, the smallest facial twitch that has you slack-jawed, the most innocent slip of the tongue, and turn you into a jackass. Fodder for my own amusements. I'm that fucking guy who just wants to fuck you and forget you. I'm that fucking guy who can't fucking stand you when my hands aren't on you; who doesn't like you much with your clothes on. I'm that fucking guy who resents you for walking too slowly in front of me. I'm that fucking guy who thinks you're socially stunted if your movements are too fast or jerky. I'm that fucking guy you can't escape; no matter what you do, I'll find a reason to dislike you. Can you add all this up and still question why I'm ashamed to breathe your air? 3:24 a.m. - 2003-12-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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