ericboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- God Called in Sick Today Listening to Thursday on a Monday. This is probably the farthest down I've been since the last time I found myself here. Tension has mounted between Monica and I because I can't carry my own weight around the house with the bills and whatnot. She's hardly said two words to me since Saturday night, when I accidentally wrenched her arm behind her back and caused her to yelp in pain. The words she eventually chose were less well received than silence. I never meant to be a monster. I spasmodically reacted to an unexpected nipple twist and I really hurt her. I didn't mean to. I love her, and her pain is more deplorable to me than mine could ever be. She hasn't seen fit to punish me extensively, but I certainly have. I wish my remorse and intense self-loathing would give me a break. I want to fly away from this diseased world where murder is commonplace and trivial. I want to escape the thoughts that I have when it's quiet. I want to wipe out the things I see when I close my eyes at night. People I don't know and have never seen are created by my mind, and, for a brief moment, exist. Then the same creator destroys them, often horrifically, and I see it all. I made them, after all, so I suppose I should have front-row seats at their dissolution. I don't want to be God anymore. Oh, and I still hate my job. 11:19 p.m. - 2003-01-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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