ericboy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wildfires Terrorize Shitty-folk... tonight at 8 The last few days have been anything but dull. The ashes that have been falling over the city have thrown everything into chaos. Businesses have closed, thereby serving to bottleneck the two businesses that I work at, which have stubbornly remained open. In light of all of this, I have bought a sketch pad, pencils, and an eraser in an attempt to see if maybe I can draw. I haven't tried to very seriously in the past, so I thought I'd give it a go. So far, I'm pretty fucking horrible at it. I drew my cat this morning, but her legs were too confusing so I didn't give her any. It looks worse than it sounds. The loneliness hasn't gone away, but has receded into the background. I've been keeping myself busy with eating compulsively and trying not to inhale too much of the smoke that still hangs over the city. Saturday is the move day and then I'll have two roommates who might actually be home on occasion to help to dilute the overwhelming sense of loneliness that dominates my mood on a daily basis. I feel completely empty. The writing, the drawing, the typing, the breathing: all empty exercises of an empty man searching for meaning. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. All I can do well is consume. Buy the things that they say I need and then just look at them like foreign objects that confuse and enrage me. I just don't know anymore... 9:18 p.m. - 2003-10-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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